1) 'Worse than the Nazis'
"As an [online] discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison
involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." So states Godwin's
Law, the observation first made in 1990 that still stands today.
Many online communities counter this moronic rhetorical device by ruling
that the first person to make a Hitler comparison loses the argument by
default.
2) Lazy activism
Joining a Facebook group is the new going on a march, just substantially less
effective. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's regime did not buckle under the onslaught
of green-tinted Twitter avatars.


3) Messages alerting you to messages
Email inboxes are becoming clogged with non-urgent alerts from Facebook,
Twitter and other social media websites. How long before someone invents an
app to alert Twitter and Facebook users when they receive an email, creating
a never-ending spiral of nee dless messages?
4) CAPTCHAs
Only the internet asks its users to prove that they are human. CAPTCHAs, the
word recognition puzzles designed to prevent robots from accessing protected
websites, may be a necessary evil but even their inventor has said that he
regrets their drain on human time. Assuming that each one takes ten seconds
to solve, it has been estimated that we waste 150,000 hours a day squinting
at distorted letters. Anecdotal evidence also suggests that CAPTCHAs are
getting harder, with some effectively indecipherable.


5) Social media gurus
Knowing how to tweet should not be a career in itself.


6) The next big thing(s)
Remember Friends Reunited? Friendster? Faceparty? The shelf life of social
networking websites seems to be around two years, forcing members to
transplant their internet personas just to keep up to speed with their
contacts. This would be easier to stomach if it wasn't so tough to
differentiate between next big things and white elephants.


7) Blogs
Not blogs themselves, but the negligence anxieties that come with having one.
They just take far too much writing.


8) Pop-up adverts
Websites need to make money and static adverts don't bring in enough revenue.
But that knowledge doesn't make invasive pop-ups - particularly those that
hide their close buttons - any less annoying.


9) The bedroom invasion
First it was in the living room, then the bedroom and now - thanks to wi-fi
and laptops - the internet is in your bed.


10) Amazon pigeonholing
Years after purchasing a book about self harm for university research, I
still receive emails recommending titles related to suicide and depression.
Some straight men with eclectic tastes in fiction have complained that
Amazon appears to have convinced itself that they are gay.


11) YouTube speech bubbles
If there's one thing we've learned in the four year history of YouTube, it's
that literacy cannot be presumed. So while the "annotations"
feature launched last year should allow filmmakers to produce richer videos,
in practice it has led to clips being marred by intrusive gibberish. The
equivalent of an excitable child forcing his parents to sit through his
favourite cartoon: "Dad, did you see that bit? Did you see it? It was
funny, huh? Oh Dad, you weren't paying attention."


12) Rickrolling
Hugely over this, now.


13) Everything has been done before
Had an idea? Well someone in San Jose had it last year, got VC-funding and
has already launched Beta testing. Presumably this must also have happened
before the internet, but in those days you could remain in happy ignorance.


14) Comment pedantry
If the US Constitution had been published online, you can be sure that the
first comments would have picked
apart the spelling mistakes, and blamed the slapdash attitude of
Adams, Jefferson et al for undermining the prospects of the nation.
Some commenters seem blinded to the essence of online offerings by their
irresistible urge to mark.


15) It's always on
If we all agreed to shut down the internet for a few hours a week - perhaps
on Sunday evenings - long-suffering parents and grand-parents might get a
few more phone calls.


16) MySpace and Bebo
Far too hard on the eyes. Proof, if it were needed, that graphic design
should be considered a profession.


17) Companies wanting us to 'join the conversation'
A direct result of the ascendancy of No 5 is the insufferable chattiness of
previously faceless corporations. But a social media presence is no
alternative to swift, helpful customer service.


18) Corporate email signatures
Would anyone have assumed that the jottings of a junior account executive
reflected the views of an entire multinational company, or that her winking
emoticon sign-off was legally binding?


19) Websites that are too wide for the browser
A less common problem these days, as web design and browsers become more
sophisticated.


20) Cross-platform conversations
A very modern communication habit and one for which an etiquette has yet to
emerge. If you are speaking to the same person over email, Facebook, MSN
Messenger and SMS, is it acceptable to "cross the streams" and
discuss work topics on Facebook, or continue an email thread on SMS? Very
confusing.


21) Domain/username squatters
To the frustrated latecomer, a "squatter" is anyone with their name
who registers with a website first. People left to scrape the bottom of the
username barrel - Jane_Brown_77@hotmail.co.uk and JohnSmith555@gmail.com, to
give two random examples - will testify to the resulting loss of dignity.


22) Viruses, scams and spam
Obviously.


23) Virus and scam alerts
Hardly a morning goes by without reports of new phishing or malware scams
popping up in your RSS reader, complete with exhortations to strengthen
passwords and update anti-virus protection. While the threats are real and
the warnings well meant, it can't be healthy to dwell on attacks that almost
certainly didn't affect you. The internet, like life, is best approached
with a little derring-do.


24) PDFs
The information could usually have been presented much more accessibly on a
web page.


25) Frame bars
The leash used by recommendation websites like Digg to keep hold of logged-in
users while showing them external sites. Ugly, clunky, and of little benefit
to the user.


26) This website
(When you start to get angry, hold down the "Esc" button to skip to
the end)


27) WrItInG In A MiXtUrE Of UpPEr CaSe AnD LoWeR CaSe
It's not useful, attractive or funny. How on earth did it take off?


28) Patently absurd abbreviations
While it's perfectly conceivable that the other person may indeed have LOL'd
at your joke, one struggles to picture them ROFLMAOing, given that there was
no break in their typing.


29) Comedians on Twitter
Talk about having your illusions crushed. Comedians who join Twitter tend to
fall into one of two groups. First, those like Stephen
Fry and Eddie Izzard
who post the same mix of whimsy, opinion and self-promotion as "non-famous"
users. While not laugh-a-minute stuff, it's generally sincere and charming.
Then there are thosewho see Twitter as an opportunity to spew forth
every half-baked joke idea that enters their heads, providing the strongest
argument for the continued need for script editors.


30) Filth, everywhere
A few years ago the actor Jack Nicholson announced that he was disconnecting
his computer from the internet. His reason? "There's so much porn out
there that I never get out of the house".


31) Websites that don't support a browser's back and forward features
We have become so accustomed to navigating with the two buttons, that it's
difficult to manage without them.


32) Hard-to-find login buttons
Some websites are so keen to make themselves appealing to new users that they
forget about their existing members, hiding the login buttons in tiny fonts
at the extremities of the screen. Only logout buttons are given less
prominence.


33) Transport planning websites
Things may be better in other cities, but Transport
for London's website is reluctant to let you go anywhere in the
capital without taking at least one bus.


34) Compulsory fields on forms
"You did not fill out these required fields: home phone number, mobile
phone number." The more hoops companies make people jump through, the
less willing they are to hand over their money.


35) National restrictions
There are compelling legal reasons why some online content - such as Olympics
footage, which is sold on different terms to many national broadcasters -
has to be nation-specific. But in an era of free-flowing information, it
comes as a shock to be told that you cannot watch a video because of where
you live.


36 Unwitting disclosure of data
Think that you are in control of your online footprint? The chilling website What
the Internet knows about you might throw up some surprises.


37) Lists
Fun to read, easy on the eye, and everywhere.


38) The history function on browsers
Surely the cons outweigh the pros?


39) Try-hard websites
People do not come to websites for an experience, they come for information.
Anything that gets in their way, like slow-loading Flash graphics or
counter-intuitive navigation tools, just makes them angry.


40) Post-1990 bias
Almost every crappy blog post, news story and website published in the last
twenty years can be brought up with a quick Google search. But obtaining
contemporaneous information from previous decades remains difficult, despite
projects to bring newspaper archives, books and records online. The result
is an internet that gives undue weight to modern ephemera.


41) Fake viral clips
They wouldn't be annoying if they weren't so effective. Two particularly
infuriating examples are the video that purported to show mobile
phones popping pop corn, which was subsequently exposed as a stunt
by a bluetooth headset retailer Cardo, and another claiming to show an onion
charging an iPod.


42) The gradual erosion of your moral boundaries
Tasteless jokes, obscene images and websites devoted to fetishes you've never
even heard of are only ever a few clicks away. Even if you never indulge,
their taboo is diluted by ease of availability.


43) Buffering
Tick, tock.


44) Memorial websites
As almost every social activity moves online it's to be expected that
mourning will take place on the web. Facebook tribute groups are set up
within hours of a young person's death, providing an outlet for their
friends' grief. But anyone who has stumbled across one of these sites can't
help but notice that many of the tributes come from people who have tenuous
- or non existent - connections to the deceased. Wouldn't a private message
to the family be more appropriate?


45) Hostility to 'newbies'
The most successful online communities are united by narrow shared interests,
but the boorish insistence that new arrivals adhere to archaic forum rules
is self-defeating.


46) Password stipulations
One site demands eight characters, another a mix of letters and numbers, and
a third says that the term you've been using for years is now too weak. The
only way to keep track of all the combinations is to note them down, making
your accounts even more vulnerable.


47) Auto-run videos
In fact any audio that plays without the explicit consent of the user. Who
hasn't scrabbled to shut down a browser window as office colleagues look
round for the source of the blaring Barbra Streisand?


48) Get-rich-quick schemes
If the foolproof share picking formula actually worked, why are its inventors
hawking CDs and books online for £19.99 a pop rather than sunning themselves
in Bermuda?


49) Council websites
Local authorities are starting to put significant effort into improving their
websites, but they're starting from a pretty low base. Too many are
cluttered and confusing, especially for residents with limited internet
expertise.




50) Chris Crocker
He who did this